CCTV in the Half Underground Town

I was just sent a newspaper article via Facebook. Social networking is great. Twitter, Facebook. I dont do any others although I believe I have signed up for every one of them at some stage. Oh Google+, I half do. The lesser half.

So, Tanja Antoun sent me this with my travels in mind. She said she thought of me – I think she knows me a tad too well and was warning me.

I am meant to go to this half underground town in 2 sleeps. It is the place where I am fearful to sleep. I sleep walk, you see. Sometimes. And when I do, it can be AWKWARD! I have locked myself out of a house in Norbury, London, naked.  I kicked in the neighbours door. That woke me up! I locked myself out of a hotel room in Melbourne (recently) wearing only a shirt and clutching a phone charger and UK coins. That required a trip in a lift to the reception area and a big shout for help. It also required a decline of the invitation to come to the desk to get a new swipe card, and required a big lean from the lift, where I was attempting to maintain any dignity.

So back to my next trip. Andamooka in 2 sleeps.

Andamooka is an amazing place. I think I described it in a previous blog. Half of the place is underground and that’s good because it isnt really a place of beauty. The bit left on top is manageable with one eye open, providing a fly doesnt enter the open bit.

I discovered amazing things in Andamooka. I learnt about backyards and how they differ from place to place. Most backyards in Australia have a swing-set or slippery-dip or even a pool, but not in Andamooka. It is mandatory to have the biggest digging machine and a caravan.

I discovered that the lady who owns the place I where I get to sleep also owns the Post Office and is responsible for sending the weather statistics into the Bureau of Meteorology in Adelaide twice a day. I watched her. She opened a white wooden box where she read numbers and then she glanced towards a weather cock on a tall pole, where I think she noted the wind direction. I watched her because she told me, “Wait Im late!’ and I had no idea what she was talking about.  I was only trying to find my accommodation, and thought I was in the wrong place so needed  local knowledge to tell me where the ‘hotel’ was. The one that housed us wandering Education Department people.

I didnt need any further local knowledge. I was at my accommodation! The Post Office. I was going to sleep at the Post Office! Now renamed The Post Office and Bottle Shop. I wasnt booked in apparently. It didnt matter.

The lovely Margot showed me to my room. ‘You can have 9! Best room we have. Lucky we arent full!’

I think that  was Andamooka speak for ‘Thanks for coming!’

I went to room 9 and it was fabulous. Compared to AEOW it was beaut. I had a microwave! I had fridge (Margot forgot to plug it in though and I thought it was broken – warm yoghurt was the result) and the town had an IGA supermarket. That is another story.

I had a view. A worrying view. Outside my room, the room of a sleep walker, were tools. Tools of mass destruction. Big tools with sharp and fast blades. One is called a circular saw, I dont know what you call the others. I knew then I couldnt go into a deep sleep. I might kill people.

I like Andamooka. I like the people and I wish them no harm! I like The Tuckerbox Pub, they do a good crumbed chop. I dont want to saw it down in my sleep!!

Back to Tanja’s paper clipping:

Now Im a bit scared. It seems Im not the only threat to the town. Vandals live in Andamooka!

Not your every day ‘run-of-the-mill’ vandals but DRUNK vandals!!  I cant enter into why on earth they may be drunk, that seems all a bit obvious to me. However to solve the problem, the government is going to whack up 3 CCTV cameras in the main street to catch them vandalising the new playground. At a cost to rate payers.

I have two thoughts on this. Poor rate payers (as in, you!) being my first thought.

More importantly though. poor me being the second! What if I sleep walk with a circular saw? I am now going to be CCTV’ed! And YOU are going to be paying for it and watching it on ‘Have I got News for You’ via the  million trillion dollar CCTV’s. THEN.. I get to go to jail and you keep paying for it!!

I have a solution. I was told many times in the past by a principal, ‘Dont come to me with a problem, come with a solution.’ (He never did know what he was on about.) But Ive got a solution for this probelm!

The government pays for a socking great shed for the people who live half underground to store their diggers, thereby restoring their yards for swing sets. Sod the public playground, it wont be needed thus allowing the drunk vandals a play place of their own! I will probably  knock them off one by one in my sleep anyway and it wont be recorded.

Cost of a shed! Simple.

All in favour say, AYE!