Of Mice and Woman

At Christmas time I had numerous guests stay. Some from overseas, some from interstate and one from an hour away.

I had mice arrive as well. Well actually I had a mouse.

I knew I had a mouse. I had seen it. It was a lovely golden brown colour. I even left it food out. It didn’t bother me. It just did it’s ‘own thing’. I think it’s ‘own thing’ meant becoming involved with another mouse and having babies. It also meant inviting the relatives to stay. I am imagining most of the relatives were single mothers with possibly 6 babies each. Wonder if mice are Catholic?


I love animals. Not reptiles very much though and I’m not very fond of insects or spiders. And I think I even actually hate flies.

I would kill a snake. I do kill spiders and mozzies and flies.


But I didn’t kill this snake. I just found it.

I love all the other creatures.

I love them so much that I sometimes don’t think straight when it comes to sharing my home with them. I even let the dogs cool off like human’s do…


But I took my love of animals too far.

I let a minor bird make a nest in my living room. It was a huge nest. I thought that minor bird was so clever. It had to manoeuvre the door way to get in and out and it even made mud glue. I hope it was mud anyway.


I told my hour away friend about the nest and she told me that birds carry mites and I would have a house infestation. Then my brain told me I might die from that and as I had only just bought the house, I didn’t want to die so soon.

So to avoid death from mites, I removed the nest and put it outside. The minor bird didn’t use it to lay eggs. I felt so bad. That bird had worked so hard and I took it’s home away. It must have been really confused. But it was the healthy human thing to do. Even I know it is healthier to be alive than dead. And dead of bird mite could be painful. Maybe they eat you? That would be slow. In my case, that could take a decade!! I did the best thing.


I let ducks swim on my pool. They would fly in every day. Several times a day even. They would have a swim and play for a while, then fly to the chimney for a look around. There were 2 of them. They came to swim for days and days and days. No duck mites would eat me. They were outside visitors.



Apparently it is bad to let ducks swim on your pool. They make a mess of the pool and cause a big problem with water hygiene. I think even the contaminated water that the ducks make might kill you too. I needed a healthy pool so, I had to get rid of the ducks. I had already avoided dying of a bird mite flesh feast. Now it seemed I was faced with poisoned pool water that would grow bugs that would go in my ears and eat my brain up.


I called the pool man. He splashed large amounts of ‘Duck Off’ into the water. That changed the tension of the surface of the water and it became an ice rink for the ducks. Ducks don’t really like ice rinks much. I didn’t feel so bad about the ducks. There are ponds and places nearby for them. And they didn’t build the pool. Not like the bird who did build the nest.

Next came the mouse.

Then came the single mother mice and their babies. I don’t even know how many. I did read that a mouse can have 6 babies in one litter. I didn’t read how often they have litters. I just know they have big families, like Catholics.

One mouse I can manage. The entire extended family, I can’t.

They bring germs too. I knew that. I had avoided being mite eaten and I had avoided bugs going through my ear canals to my brain and now I was faced with Catholic mouse germs that would infiltrate my digestive system if I missed bleaching a spot on the kitchen counters. I don’t know what happens after the mouse germs get into my digestive system. I think that perhaps I would vomit until I dehydrated and I would starve until I fell over. After that I would die. I would die on the floor. Then the mice would see me on the floor and they would eat me.

The next step was to heed advice and cull. This was hard for an animal lover. I didnt have to kill the bird with the mites. I didnt have to kill the ducks with the bacteria bugs. But I was going to have to kill the mice.

For a moment or two I thought I could teach myself to play the flute and lead all the mice somewhere like The Pied Piper, but I don’t have a flute.


I bought ‘RatSak.’

‘Duck Off’ is a better name than ‘Rat Sak.’

‘Rat Sak’ sounds like a warfare agent killing chemical that could be considered a serious national threat. ‘Duck Off’ sounds friendly and harmless.

I read the warfare agent instructions and left the killing chemical out on the kitchen bench in the night.

I went to bed sad. I didn’t want the mice to suffer. I wanted to know where they went so I could collect them up and then I could forget it had happened. I wanted to play a flute.

I stayed up nearly all the night checking for mice.

I didn’t know what would happen.

Would the warfare agent take long to work? How could I tell if it was working? Would there be dead mice bodies strewn everywhere? Or would they all go to the same place to die? Kind of like the suicide pact places.

I checked and checked. I saw the warfare agent killing chemical had been eaten. I couldn’t find the mice.

I still haven’t found the mice.

I still haven’t learnt to play the flute.

My friend sent me this picture. I think it was sent to encourage me to be musical for the mice. Well maybe it was to encourage me…

Of Mice and Woman. Not the nicest thing I have had to do stay alive.